Taking Care of the Cardiac Spouse

The Cardiac Spouse

Once the initial crisis is over, your worries may intensify by the unknown nature of heart disease. The unexpected shock of heart disease may tear apart comfortable and secure images held by you and your partner.

Changes are going to happen now that your spouse has been diagnosed with heart disease. It will be different, not necessarily worse, may be even better.

Focus on what you can do now. Change involves loss and gain. It is important to find some gain in this situation in order to heal. People progress through at their own speed. There is little you can do to speed up the healing process.

• Adopting a heart healthy diet is the number one concern for most couples in the early stage of recovery. This is very time consuming and involves a lot of planning. But it does give you some control over the situation.
• Educate yourself about heart disease – what matters is this information makes you feel secure. Do no feel shy to ask questions.
• Keep a positive outlook while being realistic.
• Get adequate rest and nutrition. You too are both physically and emotionally vulnerable. The need is for you to get your sleep in order to provide your partner support as well as restore your emotional and physical strength. Not being able to sleep is a natural reaction to stress. If you do have sleepless nights often, be sure to consult your physician. Continue with you normal sleeping arrangements with your partner, the same as prior to his/her heart attack.
• Walk everyday. Walking may be something you can do together. Regular and moderate exercise us essential for you to maintain good health.

You may even begin to fell smothered by this thing called heart disease.

It is important to be involved in other activities besides your partner’s recovery. Maintaining interest in other areas of your life is essential for your own needs and to restore a realistic balance to your relationship.

You may feel many emotions during this time. It takes energy to hide your feelings. Once your partner’s physical damage has healed, you need not fear making things worse by stating your feelings and concerns. It is common to avoid or ignore painful feelings. All your emotions are normal. By understanding this, you will be more able to do something about them.

You too have experienced a crisis. Families worry about the same thing as the heart patient: fear of dying, being disabled, losing love and respect and fear of not being able to provide for the family.

Anxiety is the fear of being hurt or losing something.

You may anxious because you are:

• Uncertain about the future
• Afraid of losing your partner and being left alone
• Afraid of the unknown

Anxiety is an abnormal but an appropriate response, as long as it does not impair your ability to function. It may appear as a situation beyond your control, a feeling of helplessness. There will always be areas over which you have not control.

As much as you might want, you do not have the power to get rid of your partner’s heart disease.

Feelings of anxiety can even be worse when your partner does not seem to want to follow a healthy lifestyle. You can deal with this emotion by admitting you are afraid. Try not to be negative. Take stock of your strengths. These are qualities you can count on in yourself during an emergency or a difficult time.

There often are many reasons to be angry. These include:

• The focus being on your partner and little or no attention on you
• Your partner may not appreciate your feelings
• Your partner’s inability to respond to your feelings

But it is best no to direct your anger at your partner. Your angry feelings indicate you are experiencing a crisis. Try to learn to express your anger safely and appropriately. Direct communication is one effective way to express anger to your partner. As well, you can relieve your own stress by participating in physical activity.

Guilt can be anger turned inward. Guilt is something used to cover up other less acceptable feelings. Guilt becomes a problem when we do not understand it. If you feel guilty about your feelings, focus on them and if you do have problems do consider counseling.

We all take life for granted. You may confront the disappointment of broken dreams or yearn for things in the past. You may recognize your sadness by its effects on your body. Fatigue and depression sap your energy and reduce your ability to function.

You need to let yourself grieve over your losses. This means mourning what is lost and cannot be retrieved. It also means you learn to accept what is beyond you personal control. Mourning is a process and you need to give yourself plenty of time to grieve. Do not feel that you have to be finished with your sadness or disappointment in a certain period of time.

However, in time, your sadness will become less. You will know when you have mourned enough. Your physical, emotional, and mental energy will return. Be assured you will become motivated again.

It is normal to experience these feelings. Feelings will change over time. Accept your feelings. Tears are a welcome cleansing. Acceptance of feelings leads to compassion and forgiveness.

If you know what you are feeling, you can calm down and begin to think logically.

Learn to relax. Take deep breaths, listen to music or enjoy a good laugh.

Get support. Everyone needs and deserves encouragement to heal the wounds from this crisis.

Disclaimer
Reviewed by Alberta clinical experts. Brought to you by HealthLink Alberta. Copyright.
This material is designed for information purposes only. It should not be used in place of medical advice, instruction and/or treatment. For more health advice call Capital Health Link at 780-408-LINK (5465) 24 hours a day, seven days a week. In Alberta, call Toll-free: 1-866-408-LINK (5465)